Monday, June 15, 2009

Letters: Bad Idea Exit Strategy

This one comes from Tina in New York! Extra spite gets you extra points!

Per your request, like, a month ago, here is how I am NOT going to exit my job:

I work in the dean's office at a large, moderately prestigious, university. Trust me, you've heard of it. In the course of my job, I work with one of two classes of students: the best and brightest, and the ones who have gotten themselves in a world of shit. Generally, the kids who have gotten themselves in a world of shit who end up on the other side of my desk are entitled little assholes who expect to be bailed out of their mess because mommy and daddy gave the school a big ol' endowment, or because mommy and daddy always bail them out of everything, and they've just come to believe that life has no consequences over the years. These sorts tend to be repeat offenders, and as the offenses escalate over their years at the university, so does their sense of entitlement. The problem is that, unfortunately, they're right, and mommy and daddy DO actually continue to bail them out, and they never get the administrative ass-kicking they so richly deserve.

Next year, I'll probably be leaving my job. I'll have finished a graduate degree in a field I'm passionate about, and I'll be qualified to get a job in said field, so there's no reason for me to stick around and continue taking abuse from the endless rotation of stuck-up little shits that end up in my office. Although several of the more egregious offenders have since graduated, by the time I'm ready to give notice, there will be a fair number of these obnoxious students still enrolled. When I leave, I would like to exact my revenge in the following manner: I'd like to write a letter of expulsion to each of these kids, in the dean's name. It would be really easy - I have access to official letterhead, and a jpg of the dean's signature. I would print them from a public access printer so it couldn't be traced back to my office. I'd also wait a week or so after I was gone, and then return to campus and drop the letters in a university outbox. There would be no way it would get back to me, or anyone else left working in my office.

Thing is, it would leave my boss with a lot of explaining to do, and I really like her. She's been absolutely wonderful over the years, and she gets enough grief without me adding to it, so I'm not going to celebrate my resignation this way. Probably.

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