So, after discovering the genuinely useful Australian style blog Super Kawaii Mama, I Googled "Kawaii". It means cute in Japanese, but more importantly it is apparently an esoteric Internet formula unlocking a strange and colorful world of objects I totally need.
In this new world, skulls are new again, nails are three dimensional, and eggs are shaped like
cartoon characters. I even discovered a new web comic, Kawaii Not. Of course, it's adorable.