Sunday, June 10, 2007

Hank Musgrove Tells You How To Live Your Life

Bad Idea Potluck has an advice columnist named Hank. That's his given name and he has a tattoo of two pigs fucking. He can solve your problems. Write in, like some of my friends from college and one stranger did. Extra points if you can guess which one is from a total stranger:

Dear Bad Idea Pot Luck,
I am about to host a birthday party in a few weeks, and I need some tips to make sure it rocks. Any advice?
Dumbfounded In Greenpoint

HM for BIPL: Dear Dumbfounded In Greenpoint, You should try to score an eight ball of coke from your local drug dealer, Invite a bunch of random underage kids.
Then collect money at the party for beer, wait a while though — usually when everyone is already a little buzzed. My friend's brother once got a 100 bucks at one of my parties.
Once ya have a nice chunk, go for the cheap shit like some Natty Ice, the Beast or PBR. Start chugging.
I have no idea what the outcome will be but I'm pretty sure it will rock.

****** ********

Dear Bad Idea Potluck:
So I've got a master's degree now, and no job. What the hell do I do for employment? I've been sending out resume after resume, and not even a call back. When I call them, they tell me to stop calling. Any ideas?
-Stumped in Stony Brook

HM for BIPL: I never put too much stock into degrees. All my friends who ever landed swank jobs in swank offices actually never graduated high school. What they did was pretty much lied thier asses off, hustled, made up phoney references (using friends posing as previous employers) and photo shopped fake degrees.
my advice is to put on your game face, brush up on your photo shop skills and try to shove as much bullshit down your future boss' throat as he or she can take.

****** *******

Dear Bad Idea Potluck:
My asshole is bleeding. What should I do?

HM for BIPL: Eat more fiber and put a Band-Aid on it.

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